About a year ago we learned what it is like to lose a friend instantly-- one minute we were singing worship songs and Preston was doing a silly game about cheesy pick-up lines, and several hours later we see his body on the road as we race to comfort Tara. I suppose in some ways it is a common experience to lose someone you care about, but for us it does not feel common.
"We lost a friend..." Those words ring in my head and make me want to barf... (barfing is what I want to do when I get really upset... though I've never actually barfed from being upset, it seems to convey more of how I feel as compared to crying). There have been so many moments this year where crying wasn't even adequate.. youth group without him... every worship song he sang so much was played...hearing the youth talk about how much they miss him... any time that Tara and I go to hang out and Jonathan sits at home by himself instead of hanging out with Preston... really any time that Jonathan is affected by the fact that he now does not have his best buddy... so much loss... seeing my best friend daily face difficulties related to losing the man she was madly in love with... I can't even really cry- it's just a pit of barf in my stomach.
The day before Tara gave birth to Micah I was driving near the cemetery and decided to visit Preston's grave, I guess just to say how much he is missed by all of us. Today I drove by and had to stop by his grave again, I guess because of our upcoming trip with Tara to Disney World and because it will be one year on the 15th since he died. Susannah and I blew bubbles by his grave and I cried a bit. The grave stone has a picture of Preston on it. She kissed it before we left.
His death shook our world in so many ways. Jonathan and I have been changed forever by it, and though I am grateful for any good that has come out of it, and do not at all doubt God's sovereignty in it, it still a loss we feel.
